


Shenanigans Journal

by azure7539



Series: Azure's 007 Fest 2019 [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 12:23:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19974016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/azure7539/pseuds/azure7539
Summary: Bond and Q in Hogwarts; shenanigans ensue.—a crossover with illustrations included





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _(In which Bond may or may not be just a little hungry._   
>    
>  _And someone has just arrived.)_   
> 

Rumor has it that Bond got sorted into Hufflepuff, first and foremost, because, when the Sorting Hat was placed on his head, he had been deliberating a very difficult decision: choosing which type of egg dish to try first.

According to Eve anyway.

(Okay, _but_ , one of the first things that people tend to rant about whenever they start out going to Hogwarts is _always_ the very good food.

So, who can blame Bond, really.)

Bond will always deny the story, and everyone knows Eve likes a good prank as much as the next person. Just as much as they know that Bond loves a well-cooked egg. So.

The thing about Hogwarts is that things don’t usually get boring, except for the first day of school (when you’re not one of the fresh-faced, wide-eyed first years streaming into the Great Hall for the first time, of course) and for exceptionally dreadful classes.

But because the universe likes to prove Bond wrong, on the first day of school of his third year, something is _actually_ happening that isn’t just a bunch of eleven-year-olds getting sorted into four houses with varying big bold color schemes and animal mascots for symbols.

There’s a new third-year student, whose name Bond didn’t really catch, who’s also getting sorted.

And it’s, apparently, taking quite a while.

Great.

The chattering around him is practically simmering in a sort of strangely unified common source of interest, and it’s making the entire Hall buzz like a beehive. Which is mildly interesting, he supposes, but at the same time, he doesn’t understand this building anticipation that’s almost palpitating in the air—what does it even matter if a person is a hat-stall?

It just means that getting them sorted will just take longer.

Bond sighs, hungry.

He really hopes McGonagall’s School-year Commencing Speech isn’t going to be long.

People seem slightly surprised because, apparently, they assumed he’d probably be sorted into Ravenclaw, maybe. Probably because they thought he looked a bit like a nerd, but like…

Since when does, for a lack of a better wording, judging a book by its cover works anyway?

* * *

_In retrospect, however, Bond realizes that this boy right here (smooth skin and thick curls and moles scattered along his jawline all wrapped up in a benevolent smile) would be one of the most deceptively harmless-looking people he will ever meet._

_So there’s that. But that’s for later._

__


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _(In which Bond is doing some background investigation._   
>    
>  _And someone is settling in just fine.)_   
> 

The thing about Eve is that she always seems to know more about anything Bond wants to know. Which is to say that she keeps up with everything that goes on in the many walls of this school—from things that may be worth knowing about, and things that probably aren’t. Her network of information runs deep, and Bond can only _guess_ at just exactly how many people are involved in this whole enterprise of gossip passing.

Okay, but the _actual_ thing about Eve, aside from her ability to just know something about anything, is that she doesn’t just take in gossip at face value. No, she will collect whatever she can and wants, then glean useful and worthwhile information from it. She’s managed to hone this into a great skill, information gathering and _planting_ , and this is why Bond and Eve are friends.

They’re not bad at planning mischief together whenever they feel like it, if he can say so himself.

And Eve is one mean hex-caster.

“So, what happened?” Bond asks, half-anticipating. Because if it there was some sort of altercation, then Douglas shouldn’t have been the only one who ended up in detention. But he really did end up in detention alone, then by that logic, there must have not been a mutual fighting between the two, and already, there are two wrong things about this assumption.

One, Bond checked (well, _looked_ from afar anyway), and there wasn’t a single scratch, that he could see, on Q’s body. And everybody knows how brutal Douglas can be when he starts a fight; no one has escaped unscathed before—not even Bond, who got a split lip for his trouble. (Which was entirely worth it, by the way, because he did manage to kick that arsehole in the gut. Thrice.)

And two, Q is just not the kind to let that sort of things happen to him without any resistance anyway.

Not that Bond has any concrete evidence to back up this second theory of his—Q, from the sound of it, is an all-around very nice, polite, and professional wizard-being, thank you very much—but, well… Bond’s hunches have never been wrong.

Eve shrugs. “How should I know?”

Bond leers at her at this, short of rolling his eyes. “Are you pulling my leg?” He stares pointedly at the new tin of grade A broomstick polish that he’s just stuffed into her hand.

She scoffs, her piercings gleaming in the sun at the tilt of her head. “Fucker, I’m telling you, even the Prefect who caught them doesn’t know for sure what happened. I _asked_.”

There’s a moment of silence as Bond muses this over, the slight frown on his brow gradually dissipating and getting replaced by a small quirk of the lips. “So how did Douglas get caught?” After all, Douglas was, supposedly, found paralyzed on the floor in a Full Body-Bind Curse.

Eve smirks because _finally_ , Bond asks the important question. “Our dear Prefect said that, given the circumstances, what with Douglas basically frozen dead weight and Q _meters_ away with no wand in his hand, it was not hard to guess what had transpired. After doing a bit of asking around, it seemed that Douglas tried to curse Q, but the spell was somehow… rebounded.” She grins. “Q was very insistent that ‘nothing happened.’”

Bond pauses for a second before bursting out laughing.

‘Nothing happened.’

That is a very specific way of wording it, and Bond is loving this.

“Seems like you’re not wrong to be interested in the new boy, James,” Eve hums. “He’s rather an intriguing character. And a bit of a tough cookie, too, apparently.” 

He can’t agree more, to be honest.

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to [10kiaoi](https://10kiaoi.tumblr.com/), [solarmorrigan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolarMorrigan/pseuds/SolarMorrigan), and [opalescentgold](https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalescentgold/pseuds/opalescentgold) for all your help and support!


End file.
